Today’s Reflection
THE TIME it takes to identify and process feelings depends on the nature and severity of the wound. Some offenses, like abuse or violence, may require years and professional help. Whatever the offense, a fundamental rule for processing anger is this: Do not harm yourself or anyone else. We must learn to manage the physical stimuli that grip us after a hurt. Anger can be as challenging to control as a wild stallion. When wronged, we need to let our emotions subside before acting. This may mean taking a break and removing ourselves physically from the situation. During this time-out, it is important not to replay the offense.
- Kathleen Fischer
Forgiving Your Family
From page 37 of Forgiving Your Family: A Journey to Healing by Kathleen Fischer. All rights reserved. Used by permission of Upper Room Books. http://bookstore.upperroom.org/ Learn more about or purchase this book.
Today’s Question
Do you practice a period of time-out when you are angry? Share your thoughts.
Today’s Scripture
Very truly, I tell you, whoever believes has eternal life.
John 6:47, NRSV
This Week: pray for those with cancer and their families. Submit your prayer to The Upper Room Living Prayer Center or share it in the comment section below.
Did You Know?
Church leaders in Zimbabwe struggle to gather and distribute Christian educational materials for their congregations. Pastor Phillip Musharu is leading an effort to grow distribution of The Upper Room daily devotional guide to help meet the need for resources. Read more about Musharu here or visit www.upperroom.org/gift to donate to the Africa Initiative.
Saints, Inc.:
This week we remember Florence Nightingale (August 13).
Lectionary Readings
(Courtesy of Vanderbilt Divinity Library)
Sponsored by Upper Room Ministries ®. Copyright © 2012, a ministry of GBOD | PO Box 340004 | Nashville, TN 37203-0004 | USA
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I do practice a time-out period…it is more like a pout out period. Unfortunately – I have not mastered the “not replaying it” part during that time/pout out. I have to make a concerted effort during the time out …to take another time out from the anger. It is here that things slow down, that I confess my weakness and am able to be mindful of “in your anger, do not sin”. That is usually where the break down is.
I have some problems with the language of this passage.
When a young child takes a time out, s/he is off by themselves, to “think about what they did.” But THEN– they are joined by the adult who gave the time out, and together they process what the child did.
If we do not have a safe space/ person/ community with whom to process the perceived cause of anger/ anguish, I believe that is what sets us up to keep swirling about in our own muck, revisiting, re-experiencing the offence, etc.
Again, we are a faith that wells in community.
Matthew tells us, if we have a beef with a fellow believer, grab a witness and talk it out. That is important.
Matthew does NOT say grab a witness, grab the torches and pitchforks and go get ‘im.
But the process of conversation must happen. How often do we find ourselves hurting or angry– and the other person had no idea what they even did or said?
I was a professional spiritual therapist in my working career. I agree with Kathleen Fisher up to her last line. Then we radically part ways. I do not consider myself a violent person. But….
If we do not physically work out the hurt until we have no energy left, it will return again and again to haunt us. We need to focus only on the one event. If need be, we must sift through our various hurts. We need to work out the physical component alone. But, we need to have a safety valve — someone we tell what we are about to do, where we are going, and when to expect us back. This person needs to be willing to come get us if we are 10 – 15 minutes late returning.
When we get to the place where we are going, we need to ask God to watch over us to protect us from the infection of the Evil One.
Yes, this a radical move. Without doing this we allow the hurrt to fester to the point where we finally explode/ implode.
Many people find they’re not willing to do this. Many people are dysfunctional.